Taste of the Military: Get Busy Waiting

Welcome to the army! January 19th was my first taste of the military, as I went to the Lishkat Giyus for my physical and psychological examination. My appointment was at 8 o’clock in the morning, so I woke up at about 5:45 a.m. as I had to hitch hike into town and then take two buses to the army office in Haifa. Despite getting off at the wrong stop, I still managed to arrive at about 8 a.m. However, since I do not have an Israeli I.D. or a letter from the Israeli army, I had to wait outside for about 20 minutes until I was allowed in the building.

The building was not what I expected. It was not very big or very noticeable. For whatever reason I figured it would be impossible to miss, but it wasn’t. There was barbed wire by the main door along with an armed soldier, which was no surprise.

Anyway, once I got in the building I had to go up to the fourth and final floor (room 410) where I showed them my American passport. After a few minutes waiting I was brought inside the office with two female soldiers. One did the typing while the other asked me some questions, in English. They asked questions such as what is my name, my date of birth, my father’s name, etc., pretty basic questions. I was then given a number, which is how I would be identified in their system, not Herbert Epstein, but so and so number. I had to go back down to the front desk at the entrance of the building and get a white card, which basically is used as your number at each station. Once at a station there is a machine that you swipe the card through and that gives you your place in line. From there, I went to the second floor and went to room 212 to swipe my card. As I swipe it, a few kids tell me that I swiped the card in the female machine, so I walked over to the male machine.

I sat down in the hallway, where all along it were chairs for all the future soldiers to wait. At that point, I may have been the fifteenth person in line. However, I was somewhat unsure of whether I skipped something, so I rounded the corner and asked a female soldier sitting at a desk if she spoke English, which she didn’t, but she called over a fellow female soldier, who did. The other girl told me that I needed to take a urine test, so I did, no problem. It was a good thing I asked where I was supposed to be, as I would’ve ended up waiting for hours. I then returned to where I was previously and swiped my card again. There still weren’t too many people in front of me. At this point it was around 8:45 a.m. or so.

Little did I know, but from that point on, it would be an extremely long and frustrating day. A day filled with wondering whether I was making a mistake by enlisting in the Israeli army and a day filled with moments where I considered saying, “fuck this, if they don’t want me then I’ll leave.”

As it got later in the morning, more and more kids began showing up, swiped their cards and sat and waited. One by one people were called into an office, except me. At about 10 or so, I was finally called into the office where they took me to another office to be weighed and measured. They also asked me if I wore glasses, which i said I did (huge mistake, should’ve just lied). Since I wore glasses they didn’t have me take the eye exam, which was just reading numbers on a board from  probably 10 feet away. They never would’ve figured out I wear contacts.

From there, I was told to sit back down and wait to see the doctor. An hour passed and I couldn’t figuring out what was going, so I went into the office and asked what the deal was, “We’ll be with you in a second, go sit back down,” I was told by a female soldier. Awesome. Of course, no one comes and tells me what’s going on so basically I kept returning to the office and was told the same thing. Around 12:30 p.m., I couldn’t take it anymore, I had almost being waiting four or five hours at that point, I went into the office and yelled at them and said “I’ve been here for five hours and all i’ve done is be measured and weighed, what the hell is going on?” Turns out they were using my American passport number instead of the number they had issued me, so they had no clue who I was, as nothing came up with my passport number. What idiots! So finally they figure it all out amazingly, and tell me that I will see the doctor next. I sit down and before I know it, I’m called into the doctor’s office.

I sit down, the doctor asks me standard questions, “have you broken any bones, allergies, etc.” After saying no, the doctor then says “I guess I’ll just mark you down for being psychotic for enlisting in the Israeli Army,” a joke, but starting to think he was right. Then he tells me to go behind the current and drop my pants, for the whole testicle coughing routine. After that I was done, and I had to go up to the third floor and give the army my personal information, take a hebrew test, and sign the letter stating that I am now property of the Israeli Army.

I will leave you all with that for now. The next part coming soon.

The Good and the Bad: The Bad to come by Tomorrow

Okay, well I’m sure everyone may have some interest in what happened with the army yesterday, but first I feel as though I have to catch everyone up, so you won’t be confused as to what’s going on with my life. So there will be a few more posts and hopefully by tomorrow I will be able to catch everyone up to where I stand today…

But, anyway, yesterday turned out to be a very good day for two reasons, 1.) I got to watch the Yankees live on T.V. at Doc’s place, 2.) They won! It was the first game I have watched since game 6 of the World Series, where I had to stay up until 3 a.m. to watch. This game was more reasonable, as it was a 1:00 p.m. EST. start and the game was on at 8 p.m. in Israel. It was a great night getting to watch, but also somewhat sad as my family was AT the game, except for Emily (sorry Em, I don’t think it’s fair either). It turned out to be a great game, Andy Pettitte pitched extremely well, Jeter homered, and Mo closed out an interesting 9th inning. All in all, I was very pleased.

That was my step away from all the army nonsense for a few seconds. Next post will be about the army.